i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
