the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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