Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body

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  (814): I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body http://tfl.nu/xxkq
  Replies (5) Good night (710) Bad night (2971)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.

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  (214): He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome. http://tfl.nu/msec
  Replies (10) Good night (4468) Bad night (733)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job

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  (913): the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job http://tfl.nu/faar
  Replies (24) Good night (6637) Bad night (550)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...

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  (804): So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them... http://tfl.nu/vyz1
  Replies (63) Good night (802) Bad night (9483)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  well i fucked her too, so yes.

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  (484): just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested? (610): well i fucked her too, so yes. http://tfl.nu/6v2h
  Replies (91) Good night (1469) Bad night (9043)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  just looked at his mug shot... not really my type

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  (208): just looked at his mug shot... not really my type http://tfl.nu/kmub
  Replies (5) Good night (829) Bad night (4141)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  so you did it...

  (352): View more from Florida

  obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.

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  (352): homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate. http://tfl.nu/j7x7
  Replies (29) Good night (5858) Bad night (1343)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.

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  (803): That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose. http://tfl.nu/x4y6
  Replies (7) Good night (1036) Bad night (1655)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.

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  (270): I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms. http://tfl.nu/29v1
  Replies (18) Good night (1110) Bad night (2663)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.

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  (+44): We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever. http://tfl.nu/yqo8
  Replies (3) Good night (848) Bad night (289)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.

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  (940): Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night. http://tfl.nu/76za
  Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (269)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.

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  (289): Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating. http://tfl.nu/q7ic
  Replies (3) Good night (928) Bad night (245)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.

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  (757): If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably. http://tfl.nu/joah
  Replies (3) Good night (471) Bad night (281)
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  (323): View more from California

  Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.

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  (323): Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically. http://tfl.nu/tya7
  Replies (5) Good night (520) Bad night (387)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak

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  (306): of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak http://tfl.nu/lfx1
  Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (313)

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