wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..