This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My ATM looks so different sober.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?