Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(313): View more from Michigan

So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

Fav 4 3432 1193
share tweet
(239): View more from Florida

i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

Fav 12 4233 1333
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.

Fav 14 3384 1255
share tweet
(928): View more from Arizona

Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned

Fav 12 2053 1523
share tweet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(804): View more from Virginia

Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.

Fav 4 1138 2357
share tweet
(336): View more from North Carolina

You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch

Fav 3 2690 948
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(301): View more from Maryland

And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble

Fav 7 2629 815
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(623): View more from Arizona

It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station

Fav 7 947 616
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(240): View more from Maryland

So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.

(301): View more from Maryland

Yes.

Fav 1 117 11
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT