I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!