Texts From Last Night

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (53063) Bad night (6360)
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  (310): View more from California

  the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights

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  (310): the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights http://tfl.nu/wmcj
  Replies (13) Good night (5079) Bad night (1237)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

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  (860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7
  Replies (17) Good night (4827) Bad night (1310)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  wtf

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  (973): yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina (1-973): wtf http://tfl.nu/idhw
  Replies (18) Good night (1462) Bad night (5461)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated

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  (603): I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated http://tfl.nu/wizt
  Replies (8) Good night (2501) Bad night (962)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.

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  (571): she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant. http://tfl.nu/awg1
  Replies (8) Good night (4268) Bad night (1031)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers

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  (225): She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers http://tfl.nu/m8b0
  Replies (9) Good night (933) Bad night (1968)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"

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  (513): I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem" http://tfl.nu/bkek
  Replies (4) Good night (2077) Bad night (876)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.

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  (508): she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking. http://tfl.nu/8dis
  Replies (15) Good night (763) Bad night (3726)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  that actually explains a lot

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  (847): you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night (1-847): that actually explains a lot http://tfl.nu/hgfk
  Replies (3) Good night (1684) Bad night (594)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.

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  (201): I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone. http://tfl.nu/6r51
  Replies (2) Good night (686) Bad night (400)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.

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  (484): True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/q818
  Replies (0) Good night (703) Bad night (327)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.

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  (928): I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment. http://tfl.nu/bhdk
  Replies (3) Good night (310) Bad night (634)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.

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  (416): In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/a66n
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (286)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes

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  (306): a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes http://tfl.nu/6zne
  Replies (2) Good night (915) Bad night (283)

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