I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
