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**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Randomize
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