ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Couch. On fire.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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