put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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