I hate all girls vehemently.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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