All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
