I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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