Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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