Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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