Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
