My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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