Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
