How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
