Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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