Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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