Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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