I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize