I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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