I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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