roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
