my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
