I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
