So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
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was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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