Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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