Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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