You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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