then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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