i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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