I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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