we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
