the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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