just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
