apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
