What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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