I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize