i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
