apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
