I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
whose parrot is this?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
