im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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