You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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