I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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