god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
