I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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