I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
