so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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