Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
