My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
