so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize