i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
