Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
These tits shall not be calmed
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
