Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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