are you so shy because you have an std?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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