Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't think brook has ever known best
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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