mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
