we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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