Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
