Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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