I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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